Gone
by x M i d n i g h t - S k y x
Summary: Chuck Bass has lost the two women he ever loved, but maybe he can get one back. B/C but Chuck-centric. Focuses on Misty's death and Chuck's relationship with Blair. Set during 2x01. Oneshot, inspired by a spoiler, and gleechild's awesome writing !


A/N: So this was at first set after 1x18, when Chuck cheated on Blair, but now in the middle of typing it, I've decided to make it after one of the spoilers I saw for 2x01 (one that made me cry) when Chuck and Blair are at the white-party thing, and the

**A/N: So this was at first set after 1x18, when Chuck cheated on Blair, but now in the middle of typing it, I've decided to make it after one of the spoilers I saw for 2x01 (one that made me cry) when Chuck and Blair are at the white-party thing, and they're outside. But I'm adding a little twist to mine. The day of the white-party is the anniversary of Misty Bass' death, and instead of Blair leaving with Marcus, she goes back inside the party, while Chuck goes into one of the rooms in the van der Woodsen summer house. Yeah. Enjoy loves**

**Disclaimer: I don't owe Gossip Girl, any of the characters, actors, or actresses :( But don't worry! I will one day!**

_**Feeling like this, could only mean, I'm sinking,**_

_**Feeling like this could only mean, I'm sinking**_

_**Well I'm sinking,**_

_**Pull me up**_

Chuck Bass has never felt like this a day before in his life. He's never felt this down and out before. Like he's lost the other half of his heart. Well… no. He _has_ felt like this before. The day his mother killed herself. The night Misty Bass put the gun in her mouth and ended her misery. It was loud enough to wake both Bart and a 13-year old Chuck up from a peaceful slumber, and a vision that would haunt him months to come.

_**Everytime I see your clothes scattered out on the floor, I say I thought you would be home,**_

_**You said you never would be gone**_

_**Everytime I see the light not burning on the porch,**_

_**I say I thought you would be home, you said you never would be gone,**_

_**But you are**_

_Dark eyes flew open, confused and angry at whatever the hell had woken him up at… 3:37am. Such an ungodly hour time of night. What _was_ that noise anyways? It scared him half to death… and it sounded near, as if it came from inside the Bass townhouse. 14-year old Chuck sighed heavily, head crashing back down onto the silk pillows that adorned his bed. He was just about to cross over into a deep sleep once more when he heard his father's voice._

"_MISTY!" Bart's voice boomed throughout the house, causing Chuck to finally get out of his bed and go down to his parents' room. There was nothing that important that caused for loud bangs and yelling at almo-_

_Chuck never did finish that thought.  
He wasn't able to._

_The sight he saw in his parents' bathroom was enough to terminate the thought as it formed in his mind. There was Bart Bass, on his knees, next to a dead Misty Bass. Blood was surrounding her hair, tainting her luscious blonde mane, twisting into the locks, staining them along with her nightgown. The gun lay in her limp hand, as her body seemed to drain of all color. Her head was turned towards the door, but her eyes… they were open. Piercing aqua blue eyes were wide open and staring right at Chuck. Boring holes into his soul._

_Sending sickening chills down his spine and goosebumps arising onto his skin._

"_Mom…" be barely chocked out, having forgotten how to breathe. It was then that Bart Bass finally acknowledged his son's presence, looking up at his son with black, cold eyes, the hatred seeping forward. "You did this to her." The words shocked the younger Bass, causing him to lean against the door frame for support. "Me… how?" Confusion was evident across his face as he tried to figure out how the hell he caused this. "If you were a better son… if you didn't cause your mother such stress and grief… she'd still be here… get the hell out of my sight, Charles."_

_His father had been looking down at the lifeless body on the floor when he spoke, but the moment it seemed as if Chuck was about to open his mouth to deny every accusation his father had made, Bart looked up at his son with as much hatred that he could muster, making it known his finally words did not need to be repeated. The dark-haired boy stole one final glance at the gruesome sight before dragging his feet back to his bedroom, where he proceeded to lay motionless and let the words of his father, and the sight of his dead mother sink in._

_**Feeling overwhelmed I take a dive,**_

_**Into a once overfilled but now empty place to hide**_

_**The day you turned on me is the day I died,**_

_**And I've forgotten what it's like, and how it feels to be alive**_

The day Misty Bass died was the absolute last time Chuck ever felt this bad. Like he had nobody to turn to. It was also the day he decided to give up on his emotions, for they just got in the way of everything. He saw how broken down his father was in the bathroom, he couldn't let himself be that way. It must have also been the day Bart gave up his, because everyday since, Chuck has never seen his father show any kind of emotion. Nothing but a cold, hard face and hollow dark eyes. Misty's death marked the first time Chuck had ever gotten absolutely shit-faced beyond belief. Past his own limits. The Bass knew his limits, his borderlines. He'd crossed them all into a territory he tried so hard to stay away from, and one he prided himself on never reaching before. A state of total and complete numbness, where barely anything makes sense and you only want to be left alone with your liquor.

Even now as he sat on the floor against his bed with a bottle in hand, he remembered that day. He'd always remember that day. He'd practically cleaned out his father's entire stock of liquor, just drinking anything that could possibly numb the pain. He'd managed to avoid his father, and all the reporters outside ready to make this front-page news. He'd gone throughout the day without Nathaniel by his side, just wanting to be left alone.

_Even at 14, Blair was a stubborn bitch that just had to have things her way. That included seeing Chuck when his mother died. However, Blair definitely wasn't prepared for the sight she saw, nor the state Chuck was in when she saw him. "Chuck…" she breathed out, looking down at the dark-haired boy she'd befriended long ago. His legs were stretched out in front of him, one hand wrapped around the bottle of scotch, the other laying limp on the ground. His head was leaning against the back of his bed, feeling as heavy as a box of lead. "Just leave Blair," he choked out, his voice foreign, raspy, breaking, and filled with raw pain. "I can't leave," she said, walking over and sitting down next to him, removing the bottle from his weak grasp. "I can't leave because you're my friend, and you're not going to lose me. Ever."_

As far as Chuck was concerned now, Blair lied. He _had_ lost her. He lost her to Marcus, all because of Amelia. No. He lost her to Marcus, all because of his fear. The fear that if he spent the summer with her, she'd see straight through the nonchalant, uncaring demeanor, and realize that she could do so much better. That he wasn't her Prince Charming for her fairytale life, the perfect leading man for her perfect life that she longed for. That he was all but that, and that she would find someone better. Blair was gone, just like Misty was gone. And once again, Chuck felt as if it was his fault.

So once again, he found himself, drinking away his troubles, trying to find that state of numbness to void out the clear memory of the talk the two had just a mere hour ago. Where he couldn't tell her that he loved her, when it was the only thing his insides were yelling. The talk where he let himself tear up for the first time since his mother's funeral; let himself become vulnerable in front of her. He wondered if she remembered what today was. If she remembered that today marked the 3rd anniversary of Misty's suicide. He wasn't even sure if Bart remembered. But he couldn't forget.

His mother was gone, and unlike the day she died, he felt worse. Not because three years had passed, but because he didn't even have Blair to turn to. He'd let Blair slip through his fingers, hurting Blair when he was afraid, losing her for good probably.

Chuck was so wrapped up in his thoughts, he didn't even notice that someone had entered the dark room; someone was making their way over to him. He just barely registered the figure sitting down next to him, but he finally figured out who it was when she took the bottle from his grasp and let her head rest on his shoulder. "I lost her, and I lost you," he said softly, refusing to look into Blair's eyes. "No. You lost her, but you've got me. You're not going to lose me again Chuck. Ever." She let her head rest on his shoulder. "I really do Blair. Whether you believe it or not, it's true." Blair only nodded. He may not have said the word "love" the way she asked him to outside, but she definitely knew what he meant. "I love you too Chuck."

The two women Chuck Bass ever loved were both gone from his life at one point and time… but somehow, some way, he got one back, and he promised himself that he would never let her go this time.


End file.
